Fleetingly Carol

April Fool's Day is coming up in a day or two. I'd like this blog to be participatory. I wrote about one of the best pranks by a youngster for April Fool's Day last September. September 9, 2010, to be exact.  Go to the archives and read that post, then come back here and 'comment' on this post with a hilariously funny April Fool's Day joke. It can be one that you pulled, had pulled on you, one that you heard about, short or long. Just please remember these 2 simple rules: this is a family oriented blog and please, please change names to protect the guilty! (I reserve the right to delete anything I deem inappropriate.) Let the stories begin . . .

Have you ever wondered why some of the warnings on products are there at all? For example, a glass cleaner warns the user not to spray in eyes. I'm certainly glad of that warning, otherwise, I may have tried to clear my blurry vision with the cleaner rather than a new pair of glasses. Much cheaper! Aspirin bottles carry the warning not to take aspirin is you are allergic to it. Ok, I won't do that either. Irons (you know those hot appliances that some of us use to smooth our clothes?) - some irons carry the warning not to use it on clothes that are being worn. Ouch! A cat litter brand claims to be safe to use around pets. My pets appreciate that. And how about those airline packs of peanuts. It's not a warning exactly, but it has dumb instructions on how to use: "Open packet and eat nuts." And I want to make sure that I properly use the Christmas lights I bought: "For indoor or outdoor use only." What other "door" is there? I have a car

     It was Old Man's birthday the other day. He turned old as dirt. He was old as rocks only a few years ago. And before that by a few years, he was old as boulders. So, his favorite birthday cake is carrot cake. Now, I suppose I could go to the local bakery and buy a nice carrot cake, but I had the time off, so I thought I would delight him with my culinary skills. I do not possess many skills needed in the kitchen, but I can make a mean carrot cake.    Having baked the cake, I skimped on dinner - I ordered delivery pizza. Old Man is married to Old Woman. I no longer want to put that much time into cooking a meal that will be eaten in ten minutes.      The carrot cake was impeccable. It was moist, fluffy, and smelled of spices and carrots. Old Man arrived home, and after the succulent odors accosted his nostrils, he praised his wife's culinary skills! And pronounced that he would eat the carrot cake this very minute to prove his elation over this most mouthwatering of bir

True story - I heard it just this morning:      A woman was helping her husband get ready for a doctor's appointment. The lady is in perfect health, while her husband is recovering from quadruple by-pass surgery. He's also hard of hearing. Their names have been changed for their own good.      When it was time for him to go, Mrs. Smith asked Mr. Smith did he have everything he needed. Yes, he replied, he had everything.      "Did you get your keys from the bathroom counter?" she asked.      "Dagnabit, no!" he replied.      "That's ok, I'll get them for you. You just wait right here."      She went to the bathroom to fetch his keys for him. But the keys weren't there.      "Baby, your keys are not on the bathroom counter.  I can't find them."      "Well, I don't have them in my mouth!"      "Why would you put your keys in your mouth, baby?"      "Keys? I need my teeth!"

     I am finally over the creepy crawly crud! I am back on track and in the middle of a passel of birthdays, one last week, one tomorrow and a third next week, but none of them are mine. That's OK, really, because birthdays around our house can be sort of crazy. And sometimes, you just don't want to be on the receiving end of our birthday wishes.      Take, for instance, when Old Man officially became 'Old Man' on his fiftieth birthday. Now, Old Man does not like surprises, birthdays or parties. So what's a person to do? Why, surprise him with a birthday party, of course.      When I say Old Man does not like surprises, you may imagine that he gets a little upset, acts like he doesn't like the surprise and all, but, you would be wrong. Old Man gets absolutely violent when he is surprised. Dragging him to parties takes more energy than I have anymore. And his attitude about turning 50? Oh, he would not discuss it. So, a surprise birthday party is just what m

   I am back from the dead. That is to say I am vertical and actually feeling some better. The cold from hell visited me the last 2 weeks. It's been bad. I've stayed home from work, my chores around the house didn't get done. The only laundry that has been washed is what Old Man and I desperately need. I tried to talk him into driving the 20 mile round-trip to a store to buy new underwear so I wouldn't have to wash any (remember, Old Man doesn't know how to operate the washer, his eyes glaze just thinking about it). Old Man picked up on the cooking, which is a good thing, because I wasn't eating. If I had to fix his meals along with washing his underwear, he would soon tire of peanut butter sandwiches. The upshot is I think I’ve lost about 10 pounds.    I spent most of my days in my recliner in the den surrounded by tissue, cough drops, tissue, a glass of water, tissue, cold medicine, tissue, the remote (yes, Old Man gave it up just for me), tissue, DVDs, tiss

I've been thinking a lot about chicken lately. I'm ready to eat some after a week of Christmas ham. Oh, don't get me wrong, I love to eat ham, but a week's worth is quite enough, thank you. I was telling my friend how I wish I had a chicken sandwich, to which she replied that she didn't care if she never saw another chicken. I thought that was a rather curious statement, so I made the mistake and asked her why. "Oh, no, you want to eat chicken, I couldn't tell you, it's too awful." "Sounds like a challenge to me, try me." Those are words I should never have uttered. I will try to recount her story as best as I am able, but you really had to be present to get the full gist of the story. Oh, and make sure you aren't eating any chicken, or anything for that matter. It seems that one very hot, dry summer, chickens were dropping like flies. They succumbed to the extraordinary heat and lack of rain. So, of course, chicken was ridiculo