Fleeting Waterworks

What would you do without water? I mean, what if the water utility turned the water off to your home? What would you do?

That's what happened at my work last week. The city was doing some work on the infrastructure and had to turn the water off to our side of the street. Thankfully, the water was still on in the building across the street. Dear Reader, just in case you have not guessed yet, I am of an age where a working restroom is critical to my wellbeing. I tried drinking very little, but I drank two cups of coffee before going to work, not realizing relief was going to be so fleeting. Then it happened: the Urge.

I stepped out the back door, no one was around. Squeezing muscles as tightly as I might, I began to put one foot in front of another.  The steep steps down the loading dock proved to be a challenge.  Try this, Dear Reader, find a set of steps, squeeze your buttocks tightly and step down. You cannot keep that hold. Go ahead, try it.

I successfully navigated the steps - not gracefully, but I managed to get down the 3 steps without embarrassing myself. My next challenge was far more daunting. I had to cross a four lane boulevard to reach the building with working plumbing. In the center of this boulevard is a raised median, another step up and step down.

I shuffled across the parking lot, desperately trying to look normal. But, what is normal about a woman walking with only the bottom half of her legs moving? I had to wait for a few cars to pass before I could cross to the median. I stood with both hands on my hips, trying to appear nonchalant and, at the same time, squeeze as hard as possible. I'm sure no one in any of those cars could guess that I had a problem.

Finally, I reached the median. Now to raise one foot, then the other. I'm sure no one noticed that I turned sideways to the small step and lifted a foot onto the median, then the other. No, I'm not sure, I hope! Because by the time I stepped off the median, anyone watching very closely could have figured out the waterworks were about to burst.

I shuffled quickly across the second half of the boulevard, surprising a driver coming down the road, expecting me to be a normal pedestrian and stop. Apparently, he didn't see me step up onto and down from the road's center median. He didn't have a clue. By this time, I could stop for no one. I just hoped and prayed that the restroom was free.